Can't sleep...

I've been having a tough time sleeping lately and I don't know why..I'm guessing its just been stress from school..when really I shouldn't be stressed out at all??? I guess its come to a two week crunch time, with 2 big projects due, and a final on the 5th..then I'm DONE. Its hard to believe time went by that fast...and I'll be back in school again at the end of August. Then its just two years and I'm done!!! and out of here...hopefully. I guess Steve wants me living with him permanantly over this summer, I know its gonna cost a lot of money in gas to drive back and forth from work..but hopefully this will all work out so eventually someday we can live together. I can't believe I'll be getting to that age, when did guys get rid of cooties?? haha..I guess never..Sometimes I still feel like a 18 year old, I never have felt like I'm 21 in some ways. Kinda is scary thinking I'm gonna graduate and be married and all that someday...I always thought I'd be the cat lady..I'm sooo excited tomorrow is my last day at Mongos..finally! Its only been since my first day I wanted out of there..the people are cool to work with but if I have to fill any more buffet lines...just too boring for me, I like a variety. I start work at Deacons the 2nd weekend in May, so at least I'll get a break from working for a while before school is done with..I'm getting tired so its time to end this. =)

Happiness

What is happiness? Many people have a definition of it...depending upon how one lives their life. It may be the little things in life, or buying something-materialistic..whatever. But to me, happiness..right now extreme happiness is what I am right now. I have everyone in my life I could possibly ask for, and am happy to just be living and breathing.. I've been able to do the things I've wanted to do, surround myself with wonderful people. And am happy to be the person I am, I feel really blessed. Even in the saddest times when my grandpa died, I feel blessed and happy to been there to say good-bye. People may think I'm crazy to say I'm happy, happy most the time..but why wouldn't you be?? Your living, your breathing, your healthy, why wouldn't you be thankful!?!? Life is difficult a lot of the time, and is a major challenge maybe thats why you only get one. But people are always in this race, race to be better than so and so and they get so caught up..they don't see whats in front of them..its so simple. I had the most amazing talk with Steve tonight talking about life and things and relationships in life...I can't describe to you how that felt and how comfortable it is to have someone like that. That GETS you...that knows your goals and ambitions, and your priorities in life. Just works, and its beautiful. I couldn't be more happier about how my artwork and schooling is going, my work clicks and I'm confident..I needed a severe kick in the ass to get myself in gear. I cannot quit either, no matter how this drags on because my Grandpa is someone that would be displeased with that decision. I miss him terribly, but when times are tough I look to the sky and know he's there looking down on me-hopefully grinning from ear to ear. College is such a small chunk, but such a huge decision in my life-and it'll all pay off in the end. Just funny how the people in middle school would poke fun at me when I moved, would call me names and would make fun of me-I would go home and cry and yell at my parents for making me move. I hated them for it, because I didn't like not being liked. I cared about what people thought. Then I grew a tough skin..and then decided to get into motorsports. Way off the charts as to what a girl should be doing, but its what I wanted. I got made fun of for that by others in high school, but I didn't care. Fast-forward to now, those people are all fat, pregnant, alcoholics with no life. They have nothing for them but paycheck to paycheck...or living on welfare. I have schooling underneath my belt and soon to be degree..and a beginning of a modeling career. So I laugh at them, because I'M HAPPY. =)
=Jack

After the intensity of that last one..

well things have been pretty hectic lately, I spose thats what you get for it being the tail end of the semester..I just know this month will fly right by! This weekend will be pretty busy, studying all weekend for my test in women in the visual arts on monday, plus work all weekend. Oh for fun! I just spent my whole evening copying my notes onto my computer..hmm. I have a paper due on Wednesday, a project due on Thursday, and I'll be heading to the cities Thursday for a "field trip" to an art muesum..yes I'm 21 and still go on field trips. Otherwise I had my crit. for my Printmaking class, and holy crap did everyone like my stuff!!! I'm just really taking what advice my peers and teachers have been telling me and running with them. I love school sometimes, but I'll be glad when this whole business is over with. I've really been studying different graphic designers and one artist that really catches my eye is David Carson.

Who does a lot of photography and print design, especially for surf promotions etc...what I'd like to do but for the motorsport field. His work with typography is really sweet too! I figured out I probably have 2 years left, seems like a long time-but it'll go by quick. Then, I have no idea where I'll end up..I'd still love to go out West and move to Denver. It'd be amazing to see the mountains.......
A girl can always dream right?? =)
This summer is gonna be pretty hectic I've got a lot of work to do artist-wise, and I'll be working a lot...but I love my job in the summer so I really wouldn't call it work. haha.
Other news, I found out the other day that Brandons house caught fire, luckily nobody was hurt. It really couldn't have happened at a worse time. He is stationed over in Kosovo until July, so he was sent home to try to patch up the pieces and figure out what to do..I can't imagine what is going through his head. I really hope everything is going okay. There is a donation being set up for him and his family-which I plan on donating to. If there is anyone in this world that I'd care to donate to it would be for him..I'd much rather physically help him out, but I think right now wouldn't be the time to do so. He needs to be with his family and trying to figure something out. But my prayers are with him and his family. I also found out that one of the pro quad racers out of Hutchinson MN fathers committed suicide the other night, I don't need to get into my thoughts on suicide and my views on it..but I do give my prayers to that family also.
Just happy I lived another day, and blessed with my health and the people around me..Goodnight.